Kim’s Mum & Mother in law
Michelle’s Mum
Deana
Belinda
Karley
Amanda’s daughter
Dr Kelly Needham
& Me
These are the people in this room who I know have either had cancer or had a loved one experience cancer but I am sure there’s more I don’t know about.
Half of me wanted to talk today and half of me thought my story just wasn’t big enough, that it didn’t compare to others…
BUT when cancer knocks on your door, it doesn’t matter whether it’s a little tap or a loud bang, you have to answer it, you have no choice but to go through whatever is on the other side of that door.
I guess in some ways I was prepared for that, what I wasn’t prepared for was that cancer would come into my home and touch everything. It was there in the shower, cooking dinner, watching my children play.
Cancer was the first thing I thought about when I woke up, and the last thing I thought about when I was going to sleep, if I slept at all.
My story starts in May last year, my boss, friend and host of todays lunch, Dr Kelly told me that she had been diagnosed with cervical cancer. I was shocked and heartbroken for her. We hugged, we cried - I told her I would look after Coastal Goddess and she told me to get a pap smear.
I went to my GP and had a pap smear. It came back positive for HPV, which isn’t serious, and my next check was scheduled again in 12 months, rather than the recommended five years. This was
good news. Nothing to worry about.
Around the same time, one of my patients, Amanda, who is here with us today, was telling me the story of her beautiful daughter Jaime.
Jaime was fighting cervical cancer, and the more I heard her story the more this bad feeling consumed me. On July 22nd 2023, I was celebrating my birthday in Sydney and this sad, gut wrenching feeling came over me. I called Amanda the next day and she told me Jaime had passed away.
Jaime passed away on my 41st birthday and one week before her 40th birthday. She was too young, she has young children like me and I just had this feeling like that was going to happen to me too, I can’t explain it.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong, so I went back to my GP and asked for another pap smear. She said I didn’t need anther one, to which I replied “I know but I really want another pap smear” (said no one ever). The GP refused and said see you in 12 months.
My intuition led me to Intuition Private, a clinic in Gosford. I booked with Dr Hankins for August. At the time we were planning last year’s ladies lunch. When I saw Dr Hankins on the guest list, I felt so nervous. She was going to see my vagina and then I was going to see her a few days later at lunch!
She doesn’t know this, but I called and changed my appointment until after the lunch, I figured it was best to have lunch first before I got my vagina out, that’s just good manners right?
I went to Intuition Private three days after the ladies lunch. Turns out I had nothing to be nervous about, from the minute I walked in the door, everyone was lovely, Dr Hankins suggested we do the cervical screening test and biopsy, which I was happy about because I just had to be sure.
During the procedure I said to Dr Hankins, "Wow this this doesn’t hurt one bit, not like at the GP", and she said “Yeah, vaginas are kinda my thing” - and whilst it was funny, it was so much more than that. It was understanding, supportive, an environment where I felt safe and cared about.
In September, I went back for my results which showed high grade changes, and I would need a LLETZ procedure to ensure there was no invasive cancer present. I went into hospital for the procedure in October, extremely emotional, as my gut kept telling me something was wrong.
When I went back to Intuition Private for my results. I remember sitting in the waiting room and I just knew I had cancer. There were women leaving with beautiful pregnant bellies, gushing over their ultrasound photos and I thought, it’s not fair, they’re getting a baby and I’m getting cancer.
Then I thought, Sam you’ve had five babies, don’t be greedy, give someone else a turn!
Dr Hankins confirmed what my intuition was telling me, I had cervical cancer, and I would need a hysterectomy.
I then met with an oncologist, Dr Gregory Gard at Royal North Shore Hospital and he said, “I want to meet the luckiest girl in the world”, he said had you come into my office after a clear pap smear I wouldn’t have done another one, you’re lucky that your intuition lead you to Dr Hankins."
Even though I knew I was going to be ok, it didn’t change the stress and the sadness. Dr Kelly said on the podcast with Yeah The Girls, that as a doctor she would look at her test results and she knew she was going to be ok but just knowing you have cancer wreaks havoc on your mind.
This hit home for me, I was finding it very hard to be positive.
I started spending a lot of time with Dr Google ( I can feel all the doctors in the room shaking their heads at me) the things I was reading were really scary. I had one of the worst childhoods imaginable, so I had really big plans for a peaceful adulthood and cancer really threatened that peace.
When filling out the forms for the hospital, it asked if I had any cancer in my family history? Then I realised my kids would always have to tick yes to that box, because of me, I just hate that.
I chose to tell my five children separately, so they could react how they needed, thats five very hard conversations to have. My 21-year-old son cried, a friend in his year at school lost his mum to cancer so it hit him hard.
He recently told me that he has been avoiding spending time with me because when he is with me he can’t stop thinking about cancer. It breaks my heart. I felt like I was doing this to him, like it was my fault.
My youngest son said, how can you have cancer? You always wear a hat and sunscreen? If only cervical cancer could be fixed with a hat and sunscreen! You know as the skin goddess I would nail that!
My other two sons had no reaction at all, but the silence and look on their faces said it all.
My daughter, said don’t worry mummy the doctor will get the cancer out and put it in the bin – its simple! Nothing like a 6-year-old to put things in perspective!
I felt a lot of guilt to my husband, he has experienced so much loss in his family and now cancer threatened the family we had created. We are currently building a house and I stopped caring about it, thoughts creeping in that I might not be here when it's finished.
I also felt guilty for all the people who suffer more physically than I was, for all the people who are dying and for the ones who have died.I found it hard to smile, I found it hard to play with my kids, everything seemed like it was just too hard.
In the weeks before my surgery, it felt like cancer was destroying my mind, the fear of major surgery was setting in and I began to get really upset that I wasn’t going to have a uterus anymore, I cried and cried over a uterus I knew I no longer needed, I celebrated my last ever period but also cried that I would never need to buy pads again, it was the strangest rollercoaster.
Then in walked the the lovely Elise to Coastal Goddess, she has had her own struggle with cancer, but now sits in this room five years cancer free - YAY!
She has dedicated her life to helping people with the mental struggle that comes with cancer and being confidant and healthy after cancer. The universe sent her to me that day - I needed it. I told her I was on struggle street, Elise understood.
She reassured me that that slowly my mind would free itself of cancer and that life would return to normal.
Elise, thank you, I promise next time you come in for a facial you won’t have to talk me off a ledge, I am good at relaxing facials too – I promise!
I had my hysterectomy four weeks ago, The surgery went well in the safe hands of Dr Hankins, and I am slowly but surely recovering in mind, body and spirit, fuelled by the support and strength of the survivors around me, as well as my all patients, Team Goddess, friends & family.
I want to thank Dr Hankins who is in the room today, you are my super hero, you saved my life, I am forever grateful that vaginas are your thing and that you found my cancer. My daughter says you’re better than all the Disney princesses because you put her mummy’s cancer in the bin. From the bottom of my heart, Thank you!
Jaime, it’s been one year since you left us, but I still feel so connected to you, your story sent me to the doctor to get the help I needed. I can’t wait to one day tell your little boy and girl that their mummy helped save my life.
Kelly, we often joke that we are the same, we order the same food, we agree that heels are worth the pain because they look better than flats, we are always the last standing on a night out, but I never in my wildest of imaginations would have thought we would get cancer together, I mean its just unbelievable.
You were passionate about this fundraiser before you got cancer and cancer has only fuelled the need for it. I know you will be here every year, your fight against cancer never dies. And I will always be here with you.
I am so proud of everything you have done, from dancing your butt off to hosting this lunch, but for me it’s the little things you’ve done each day to make me feel loved and supported, I will never ever forget it.
Shane, thank you for being there for both Kelly and I through all of this and for checking on my husband, Dale to make sure he was ok.
Dale, I love you even more today than the day you vowed to be there for me in sickness and in health, I mean I really held you to that one didn’t I? Thank you for never giving up on me and for never letting me give up on me.
Kelly and Jaime’s stories helped me, without their stories. I would still be sitting in this room today with cancer, I can admit I still wouldn’t have had that pap smear. Three days ago, I had to change this speech slightly because I got the call from Dr Hankins to say there was no cancer in my recent pathology so I can officially announce today that I am cancer free!
Whilst I am relieved, happy and ready to celebrate with a drink today, not all stories end this way. Almost 7,000 women will be diagnosed with gynaecological cancer every year.
So what do we do in a world full of cancer?
We continue the fight.
We can come together in rooms just like this with people just like all of you and we fight. Every dollar we raise today will fund research that enable women to live longer, better lives.
We use our cancer stories to help others, my story may save your life by prompting you to get a pap smear, I highly recommend intuition private, but you can also see your GP.
We’re never going to get better at hearing a cancer diagnosis, We can never get better at watching someone suffer with cancer, We can never get better at losing someone to cancer, but we can get better at raising awareness & raising money for research so that hopefully our children and our children’s children can live in a world where cancer doesn’t win.
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